Older and Wiser
by OriksGaming
Summary: Naruto's older when the Kyuubi breaks free- six years old, when he's suddenly saddled with a younger brother and the Kyuubi's yang chakra. It's a lot of responsibility, but he can handle it ... until his best friend kills her clan and joins a terrorist organization. Five years later, Kakashi loses his genin team and Naruto's saddled with a bunch of brats. Narutoxfem!Itachi
1. Chapter One: Just a Kid Playing Ninja

**_OLDER AND WISER_**

Naruto's older when the Kyuubi breaks free- six years old, when he's suddenly saddled with a younger brother and the Kyuubi's yang chakra. It's a lot of responsibility, but he can handle it ... until his best friend kills her clan and joins a terrorist organization. Five years later, Kakashi loses his genin team and Naruto's saddled with a bunch of brats. Narutoxfem!Itachi

 **Chapter One: Just a Kid Playing Ninja**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so this is all for fun, and I'm making no profits, and I thank anyone who owns anything relating to Naruto for letting me write this and blah blah blah disclaimer blah blah blah. I'm just a kid playing author.**

On the first academy day of the year, parents and children all gathered in front of the building to say their goodbyes and socialize with others in the same situation. It was a momentous occasion for many, and being late on the first day was a common fear amongst the new students, one they tended to overcompensate for.

One particular blonde haired, blue eyed six year old wasn't worried about being late. Instead, he was impatient; he couldn't wait for his slothful father to get out of bed and take him to the academy. He'd ended up having to wake his father up and pull him out of the house. Or at least he'd gotten his mother to.

 _She_ was properly excited and assisted him in motivating his father, greatly speeding up the process. For all his enthusiasm and volume, Naruto wasn't strong enough to drag his dad out of bed. It would have taken forever without his mom. She'd just leaned down and whispered in his father's ear. Whatever she'd said had obviously worked, because his father was up in an instant and out of the house ten minutes later.

As much as Naruto wanted to reach the academy quickly, he'd had to take his mother's pregnancy into consideration and the family of three ended up walking the ten minutes to the academy. As the building came into view, Naruto sighed in relief. There were only two people there before him, one a girl his age and the other obviously her father.

The girl was facing away, which allowed Naruto a moment to assess her. His parents had been on his case about increasing his observational skills lately. Any time he was out of the house, his parents would say things like 'Pay attention to your surroundings Naruto,' and 'What does that man do for a living?' and 'Who's that man?'

To which he'd reply, "I am, he's a farmer, and that man's one of those old crones who think they have power," respectively. And then his father would shush him quickly while his mother giggled at his last answer. Of course, Naruto'd just started a little over a month before and he wasn't that skilled yet.

The girl's black hair fell to just below her shoulders, and she was wearing a black turtleneck and blue shorts, which basically told him she wasn't a Hyuuga. Formal kimonos, yuck. From the fan on the back of her shirt, Naruto realized she was from the Uchiha clan.

She was facing the man, presumably her father, and he at least was someone Naruto recognized. He'd often ensconced himself in his father's office, amusing himself by watching various shinobi report. Occasionally, he'd been kicked out when something really important was said, but for the most part, he'd become a constant to most of the shinobi who bothered to notice him.

Before a year ago he hadn't paid much attention to the various Shinobi who passed through the office because he'd been more focused on completing the difficult assignments his mother created for him. She'd started on chakra control extremely early, because of his Uzumaki reserves. He'd also been forced- with threat of no ramen- to work on history and math as well.

Around a year previously, Naruto had mastered the tree walking exercise to the point where he didn't need to concentrate on it to stay sticking to the wall or walk around. Once he'd done that, he could spend as much time as he wanted on the ceiling, observing the myriad of shinobi that came through the office. This was how he'd been able to recognize Fugaku Uchiha, patriarch of the Uchiha clan.

From what he remembered, the man wasn't nearly as stuck up as the crone council, but he was somewhat arrogant and tended to put business over pleasure. So of course, he was one of those who Naruto deemed boring, and didn't give much more than a cursory glance to. While Naruto was ruminating on Fugaku Uchiha, his father dropped to a knee, lowering himself to the height of the girl.

She'd turned around by then, prompted by her father, and was staring raptly at Naruto's dad. It was one of the problems with having a Hokage in the family. He'd never neglected Naruto, but it was still a little frustrating to see him paying so much attention to the various civilians or shinobi he passed, as they stared back at him in adoration.

"You're Itachi of the Uchiha Clan? Will you be friends with my son, Naruto?" Naruto reddened slightly at hearing his father's blunt question. It wasn't his fault he didn't really have many friends, or any at all for that matter, his age. Most of the kids his age were so . . . so . . . stupid! Ok, maybe stupid wasn't the right word. No, actually, stupid _was_ correct, Naruto thought. Most other children tended to place Naruto on a pedestal, him being the son of the Hokage and all, which made any conversations Naruto had with them mind numbingly dull.

He guessed he was friends with Kakashi-niichan, but the other boy was more of a brother than a friend. There was too much of an age difference for it to be otherwise, with Kakashi-nii eight years older.

After a moment of embarrassment, Naruto raised his head and flashed his widest smile at the girl, holding out his hand to shake. Itachi seemed taken aback for a moment before her lips twitched upwards and she reached out and figuratively sealed the deal- and their friendship- with a handshake.

As Fugaku stepped up beside his daughter, Minato rose from his crouch. "Ah, Fugaku. How are Mikoto and little . . . Sasuke, is it?"

"Sasuke-chan is fine, and Mikoto is as restless as ever," Fugaku said with a wry smile. "She's inherited Kushina's hatred of hospitals."

"As well she should. Those places are terrible! All white, and boring, and white, and boring, and white and . . . you get the idea," Kushina said. "I think I'll visit her later today. No one deserves to be alone in a hospital." She shuddered theatrically.

A little ways off, Naruto and Itachi were making themselves comfortable against the academy wall. The grownups' talk hadn't really interested Naruto, and so he'd dragged Itachi off for proper introductions.

"Hi. I'm Namikaze Naruto. I like ramen, pranks, the color orange, and taking care of my plants. I dislike people who treat me all formal and stuff just 'cause my dad's awesome. I also like my mom, dad, and Kakashi-nii . . . and I guess Ero-sennin too, but he's not around a lot. My dreams for the future . . . hmm . . . I . . . want to become strong enough that people respect me for me. I might become Hokage, I don't know . . . not until mom gets her turn anyways. She always said she wanted to become the first female Hokage, and she's gonna be Godaime! Believe it!"

Noticing Itachi's somewhat blank stare, he prompted her. "Come on, your turn! Kakashi-nii says in a proper introduction you should have who you are, what you like, what you dislike, and your dreams for the future. And Kakashi-nii's super smart and all, so it's gotta be true!

Itachi giggled at his last statement. Naruto was just so self assured and energetic that it was impossible to not feel somewhat brighter for his presence. "Alright then. Let me think . . . Ok. My name's Uchiha Itachi. I like . . . peace, and my new little brother Sasuke. I dislike war and those who cause it. My dream for the future . . . I don't really know."

"That's alright," Naruto said. "You've got time. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted the first time mom asked me. You don't have to think of it right now."

"But anyways," he continued. "I think for now, what I really want is a friend. So, what d'you say? Are we friends now?" Itachi stared at him intently, scrutinizing him; it felt like she was judging him, his character, and his worth as a friend. Then she smiled, not just a turn of the lips, but a real smile.

"We're friends now," she confirmed. Naruto's smile was almost blinding in its intensity.

* * *

Naruto was utterly silent as tears streamed down his face. It wasn't fair. Just yesterday, everything was fine. He had a mother, a father and a brother. Now, his mom and dad were dead and he couldn't find Kakashi-nii anywhere. He had a new little brother who he wasn't allowed to see, and that might not even be the worst of it. "I'm a jinchuuriki now," he said as Itachi stepped up beside him. "A human sacrifice. That's what I am now . . . hey, trade your parents for a demon! Great deal! Yeah right . . ."

"Your parents may be gone, Naruto," Itachi said, earning a scowl from the boy in question. "But you have me. I'm your friend. And there's your vaunted Kakashi-nii. And you have a new little brother. It may seem like the world's ending now. And I don't know how it would feel, to lose my family, but I know that they wouldn't want you to change because of them."

"Well, you don't know what they would want," Naruto growled. "I don't know what they would want. Because they're dead now. You weren't there, so you couldn't know . . . but their deaths weren't an accident. Someone orchestrated the whole thing; my parents' deaths, the Kyuubi attack, all planned. I couldn't even see his face 'cause he was wearing some kind of mask, but he had a Sharingan. I don't know who it was, but dad called him Madara."

Naruto was sobbing by that point, tears streaming freely down his face. "And I could do nothing. Nothing! I was helpless. All I could do was sit there, as my little brother was held hostage, as the Kyuubi was released, as my father defended us. I was **helpless** , helpless to protect my family, to protect myself."

"Then become strong enough," Itachi said. "Become strong enough that you're never that helpless again. The shinobi world is cruel, and the weak are helpless to defend themselves. We're young yet, but we're already far ahead of everyone else. All this stuff in the academy; it's all boring, redundant material, stuff we both know. We have limitless potential, and we just need to take it."

"Konoha is my home," Itachi whispered, so low Naruto had trouble hearing it, before she raised her voice again. "It's also the most peaceful shinobi village, and I never want to see that change. I'll become strong enough to protect it, and to stop anyone who wishes to harm that peace."

Naruto smiled. It wasn't his grin, but it was a hell of a lot brighter than he'd been before. His smile was wistful as he contemplated Itachi's words, coming to a decision.

"Right," he said. "My parents died protecting the people of Konoha from those who wished it harm, and I won't let them down. I'll do everything I can to make sure their sacrifice wasn't in vain."

* * *

"We're graduating, we're graduating, we're gonna graduate," Naruto chanted, grinning like a loon. "Finally!"

"Calm down Naruto," Itachi said, smiling as well. "The team assignments are happening in a second, so pay attention."

"Yeah, but the instructor isn't here yet," Naruto said, "so-"

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the instructor's entrance. "Quiet down, quiet down please. Congratulations to all of you here today! You've managed to survive the Academy." That earned him a few chuckles from the newly minted Shinobi.

"I'm going to read off the team assignments now, so hold any comments until I'm done. Team one is still in circulation, so team two will be Tenma Izumo, Naruto Namikaze, and Itachi Uchiha.

"Oh come on! I'm with the chibis? Uh sensei, can I switch teams?"

"No you can't! Be quiet, Tenma!" Tenma did stop talking, thought not without first grumbling about the unfairness of it all.

"Team three will be Hoshiko Yamaguchi, Yoshimasa Minobe, and Koan Kijimuta . . ."

* * *

"All clear, Yuki-sensei," Naruto said, sensing no one foreign in the area.

"Thank you, Naruto. I'll go inform the Daimyo," said Yuki Minazuki, the sensei of team 2. He turned around to do so, but almost immediately stopped in his tracks. All of the civilian guards had been slain where they stood without anyone noticing. Almost afraid of what he would find, he stepped carefully over the bodies to where the Daimyo was, and his worst fears were confirmed. The Daimyo had been gutted, the sword that had done the deed still buried in his stomach.

In front of Naruto, Itachi and Tenma, a man stepped out of the foliage. His choppy black hair framed his spiral mask, and from looking at him, it was obvious he was a shinobi. Itachi and Tenma quickly tensed and prepared for a fight, while Naruto just stood there, frozen. It was the man who'd killed his parents. He'd recognize that spiral mask anywhere. The hair was different, but like the man had grown it out.

Upon seeing Naruto freeze, Tenma stepped up in front of the other two. "Sensei! Sensei, help!" There was no answer to Tenma's shout, at least not from their sensei.

"Don't worry about your sensei, child," the masked man said. "He won't save you . . . what's this? An Uchiha so far from home, and could it be . . . a Namikaze too. I remember your mother and father. Even their last moments were spent protecting their family. I can respect that at least. But you? You're nothing but a child, a little kid playing ninja."

'He's right,' Naruto thought. 'I'm nothing but a little kid. I couldn't protect my family before. But I can't just do nothing; this is the man who killed my parents!'

"I'll stop you!" Tenma shouted, rushing towards the masked man. "I don't know what you want with Naruto, but I won't let you hurt my teammates!"

"No, wait!" But it was too late. Tenma was just an inexperienced genin. The masked man, whoever he was- was evidently far stronger. He'd gone toe to toe with the Yondaime Hokage; Tenma was dead before he could even hear Naruto's warning.

Now it was Itachi's turn to freeze, shocked at Tenma's death. Naruto, meanwhile, felt nothing but rage- burning rage. And with his rage came a red chakra as well. It burned Naruto, but he couldn't stop. He hardly even noticed, as enraged as he was. Chains shot out of his body. Naruto was still a novice at using them, only having learned how to manifest them a few weeks before his parents' deaths. Usually, the most chains he could produce were a dozen for a period of five minutes and he had very little control. Now, empowered by the Kyuubi's chakra, hundreds of chains soared towards the masked man, all converging where he stood.

'I've finally done it,' Naruto thought, as his chains engulfed the man. 'I've gotten revenge for my parents . . ." Naruto trailed off, noticing something off about the 'dead' man. "Wait, where's the blood? There should be blood!"

"Ahahahaha. Perhaps you're not as worthless as I thought, little genin. It's too bad you're last on the list. I'd love to take you now, but alas, you'll have to wait your turn." The man was still standing in the exact same place, unharmed by the chains that should have been piercing his body. But he wasn't a bunshin, Naruto could tell. Illusionary clones dispelled when they were first hit, but the man didn't have a scratch on him.

"You're lucky you're too valuable to kill right now, kid," the masked man finished, vanishing into thin air just as Naruto lunged at him, red chakra flaring up again. Naruto turned towards Itachi, red chakra still coating him, making him look bestial.

"Itachi! Are you ok?" At her nod, he sighed in relief, finally releasing the red chakra and starting to determine their next course of action. His teammate might have just died, but he couldn't let himself and Itachi die as well. In that case, Tenma's sacrifice would have been completely in vain, and Naruto absolutely couldn't allow that.

"Right," he said. "We need to find sensei and see if he's alive. If he is, he'll know what to do. If not . . ." he trailed off for a second, suddenly feeling drowsy. "If not, you're gonna have to carry me, 'cause using that chakra . . . I'm not feeling too . . . good."

* * *

 **"My Jailor has final decided to visit. How nice."** The kyuubi sighed, though it came out more like a rumbling growl. **"I suppose it could be worse. I could have been sealed into a baby. Or someone even stupider than you."**

 **"** I'm only eight, baka kitsune!" Naruto shouted, scowling. "You can't expect me to be as smart as someone like the professor yet! But I'm not here to argue about my intelligence." The fox was huge, and rather intimidating, Naruto had to admit. But if he couldn't face up to the fox now, he never would. So he steeled himself, and stood as straight as he could.

 **"Then what are you here for, human?"**

"Well," Naruto said. "I'm here to introduce myself to you, first of all so . . . Hiya! I'm Namikaze Naruto. I like ramen, sunshine, the color orange- like you- my friends, and taking care of my plants! I dislike people who don't treat me like me. Like, the people who still treat me all respectfully and stuff, and the people who hate me cause o' you! Yeah, I don't like those people. Seriously, how bad can you be? You're orange, which means you can't be all bad, 'cause orange is awesome! I dislike people who abandon their friends and family, and I also dislike people underestimating me 'cause of my age! My goal for the future is to become strong enough to protect all of my friends and family. Maybe I'll get the man in the mask, but I can't let revenge consume me. I just got so mad when I was trying to fight him, and it totally ruined me. I couldn't even think straight. So revenge isn't really a dream of mine. If I get a chance though, I'll kill him. Your turn!"

 **"You cannot expect me to give away so much personal information to my jailor."**

"Aw, c'mon," Naruto said. "I went first. It's your turn now! It's only fair!"

 **"Very well then,"** the Kyuubi said, sighing but acquiescing all the same. **"My name- is not yours to know. I like to be left alone, and to be respected for my power. I suppose I also like orange; it is a regal color, fitting for a fox. I also like my father, and Asura. I dislike the Uchiha, being controlled and I dislike my siblings. My dream for the future is to escape this cage and to kill the masked man."**

"Wait, wait," Naruto said. "What? Why do you want to kill the masked man? I mean, he released you. Shouldn't you be happy with him? Even if you got sealed again right after."

 **"He controlled me, and I HATE being controlled. He is one of those cursed Uchiha. I hate Uchiha. So I will kill him."**

"Oh, so it's just a revenge kick? You shouldn't do that. Revenge is like a disease; it worms its way into your heart and it consumes you. If you hate someone enough that they're controlling your life, you need to break free, and lose the hatred. I was completely consumed by it when I saw the masked man. It wasn't good. I'd been obsessing over him for two years, but meeting him again forced me to reassess my priorities. That's what you should do."

 **"Hmph. Reassess my priorities? Why should I do that, human? I have nothing else to do here but imagine the many ways I will kill that man."**

"Fine then," Naruto said. "If you can't get rid of your hatred, then I'll do it! I'll cure you of your hatred! And if you've got nothing to do, then I'll visit whenever I have free time. I bet you just need a friend. So I'll be back later. Stay calm, try not to hate; maybe you should try meditating. I've heard it's good for the soul!"

Kurama 'the nine-tailed fox' snorted as his jailor left. He supposed it could have been worse. At least this Namikaze Naruto was interesting, and he certainly had more room to move around than in his previous prison. Although, his questionably intelligent jailor had the strangest ideas. Meditation? It might be something worth looking into.

* * *

"Anbu, huh? I mean, it's kinda cool. And it's a way to improve for sure . . . but there's gonna be lots of things that won't be so cool. Like assassinations . . . d'you think you can handle it?"

"Hn."

"I mean, I'm not big on the whole killing people either, but . . . just, are _you_ gonna be okay?" Naruto asked.

"Hn."

"Wow," Naruto said. "It's a wild Uchiha out of her natural habitat. If you listen carefully, you can hear the standard Uchiha grunt. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity here. Oh, wait . . . no it's not. C'mon, 'Tachi, lighten up. We'll probably have a while before we're assigned any immoral missions."

"Hn." Naruto could definitely see a smirk at this point, and knew he'd succeeded in knocking his friend out of her brooding.

"Here." The woman leading them didn't seem much for words, or conversation, or smiling, or showing any emotions. Seriously, was she a robot or something? The nameless Anbu agent left after leading them to their new team. No goodbye or anything. Naruto hoped he wouldn't ever become so boring.

Together, they stepped through the door and into a training ground. It was big, well lit, and well worn. Most people would think it was too big for just half a dozen shinobi, but ninja fights were sometimes very wide in scale and Kage level ninja could change the entire landscape with their attacks.

"Right, newbies." Naruto and Itachi spun around as they heard a voice behind them. "Here's your standard Anbu issue gear." They were each hit with a huge bundle of gear, staggering under its weight. "You're part of Anbu now, and we're a proud organization, so uphold honor and all that. For real though, this isn't for fun. We do all sorts of missions the regular force would blanch at, all of those missions that can't be officially accepted for the sake of Konoha's appearance. Assassinations, blackmail, spying, you name it."

The man was probably going to go on, but Naruto interrupted him. "Kakashi?" At the man's noticeable flinch, Naruto knew he'd gotten it right. The mask could hide his face, but it didn't hide his voice, which hadn't changed all that much from when he was younger.

"It is you!" Naruto shouted, drawing the attention of the two other Anbu in the training grounds. "Ok, don't interrupt me. I need to say this . . . Kakashi . . . you're a dick. I mean, come on. Mom and Dad died, and where were you? Nowhere to be found! I couldn't find you _anywhere_. I mean, apparently you joined Anbu. Couldn't even say goodbye? You were like a brother to me! Even Jiraiya visits occasionally; the least _you_ could do is visit me on my birthday!" Naruto finished, breathing heavily.

Another Anbu stepped up, this one unmasked, and with purple hair. "Right. While I'm sure you'd love to continue this little family spat, we really do need to get the rules done." She glanced over at Kakashi. "I doubt taichou's up for it now, so I guess it's my turn."

"We're a very serious organization, and that means you need to take it seriously too. The better you are, the higher the chance you'll survive. The better you work with your teammates, the more chance we all have of surviving. So you better not let your problems with taichou mess up our cohesiveness as a unit.

"Seriously," Naruto muttered with a grimace, "It's not my fault Kakashi abandoned me." At the woman's stern glare, he added, "Fine, fine. Fix the problems, got it."

* * *

"Hey plant man," Naruto said as he sat down next to Tenzo in the cafeteria. "I need your help."

"That's not my name," Tenzo said, frowning at Naruto.

"Eh, whatever. Anyways, I need you to help me learn Mokuton!"

"Impossible," Tenzo said immediately.

"You never know until you try," Naruto said. "Lots of people have tried, sure, but how many of them have been sensors? I can pretty much feel the flow of your chakra if I'm holding your arm or something while you're molding it. And how many have been me?

I've gotten my water and earth natures pretty strong by now, and I've got tons of clones to work with. Either way, it'll be a good experiment. At least say you'll help me try," Naruto pleaded.

"Fine, Naruto. When do you want to try?" Tenzo acquiesced with a sigh.

"This weekend would be awesome. Thanks, tree guy," Naruto said, standing up.

"That's not my name," Tenzo grumbled as Naruto left.

* * *

"Itachi!" Naruto shouted. "What is this!? Why?" He'd sprinted through the Uchiha district, past dead body after dead body, only to find his best friend just in time to watch her kill her parents.

"It was a test of my potential," Itachi said woodenly, tears streaming down her face.

"That's complete bullshit, and you know it! You could better test your potential by facing me, or S-rankers. Not by killing your family in the middle of the night! And you're crying! Tell me the truth, Itachi! Why are you doing this? What's going on?!"

"Naruto, I'm sorry," Itachi said.

Naruto watched her Sharingan activate, eyes turning red. And then they spun again. "What?! Is that . . . Mangekyou?!"

Itachi didn't answer, staring into Naruto's eyes. "Goodbye Naruto. Tsukuyomi."

When Naruto woke up, he was chained to a chair in the middle of what looked like a world of red. "Wha-" he began, before he was interrupted.

"Naruto," Itachi said, walking into view. She was speaking rapidly and almost whispering, as if she were afraid someone else was listening. "I cannot tell you everything. But know this. My family had to die, I had no choice. And . . . beware of Danzo Shimura." Naruto would have normally said something like 'one of those old prunes?,' but he didn't this time, realizing that it was important and it wasn't the time for jokes. The fact that he was chained to a chair and seemed unable to access his chakra might have helped to tip him off.

"The man in the mask," Itachi continued. "He's more powerful than even you know. He could beat both of us without breaking a sweat, even now. Keep that in mind."

Shortly after, Itachi cut the tsukuyomi and Naruto lost consciousness for real.

* * *

"Whatcha want, Jiji?" Naruto asked as he hopped in through the window.

"Sit down," Sarutobi said. "This is important."

"Hai, hai _Hokage-sama_ ," Naruto drawled, making the third Hokage sigh.

"You've done good work for the past five years in Anbu, and you have a near flawless mission record. You are hereby relieved of your position as Captain-"

"No more Anbu? But normal missions are _boring_!"

"And I expect you to report in bright and early tomorrow for your new job, Commander," the Hokage finished.

'Wow,' Naruto thought. 'No one's gonna know who I am. I can have some fun with this. Gotta be intimidating, so . . . I'll see if Kurama's willing to help me with some voice modulation.' It'd taken a long time to earn the 'right to know the fearsome and majestical Kyuubi's name,' and he'd promised not to share it with anyone, unless he had express permission from Kurama himself.

"Awesome old man. I'll be there!" he said, already salivating at the thought of the many high level secrets he'd now be privy to. And hopefully awesome, super secret deadly missions as well.

"Your first mission is very important. It may only be an A-rank, but I wouldn't trust it to any other Shinobi," Sarutobi said. "You will be watching my grandson. You must be attentive, as he has a habit of running off. He also hates baths, and if you find him running naked through the hall . . ."

* * *

"Naruto," the Hokage said dryly. "When I closed and sealed the window, I meant for you to take the door . . . not figure out how to teleport."

"Eh," Naruto said, "You gotta admit, it's like the best jutsu ever. Dad really knew what he was doing. Took me like a year to get this. But it was so worth it! I'll never have to walk again!"

"I don't think that's quite the point of the Hiraishin," Sarutobi stated dryly.

"Maybe it wasn't," Naruto said, "but maybe it was! Who really knows what dad was thinking? Either way, he was a sealing genius. I'm good and it took me a year to recreate the jutsu with his notes. He did the whole thing in what- eight months? All from scratch."

"Naruto-"

"What's up, boss?"

"You'd know already if you hadn't interrupted!"

"Jeez," Naruto said. "Calm down, old man. All this stress can't be good for you at this age."

"As I was saying," Sarutobi growled, "As of now, you are no longer commander of Konohagakure's Anbu forces."

"Oh, thank god," Naruto sighed. "It's got to be the most boring job ever. Most of the organization is run by the captains. I just assign missions and paychecks. And watch Konohamaru. And I can do all of them with shadow clones. Seriously, there's nothing to do, 'cause I gotta stay at base in case of emergency and all that. Please tell me you have something more exciting for me!"

"Well, Naruto," Sarutobi said, "how would you like to be a jounin sensei?"

"I thought all the teams had sensei already," Naruto said. "So what gives, old man?"

"Kakashi-"

"Of course," Naruto muttered.

"has made a stupid enough decision that the council-

"I thought they'd died already. Seriously, they're practically mummies by now. Mark my words, by next summer, Danzo's gonna be all wrapped up in bandages, head to toe."

"does not believe him capable to lead his team," Sarutobi finished, ignoring Naruto's interruptions. "And I have to say I agree with them here."

"Huh," Naruto said. "What'd he do?"

"Kakashi," Sarutobi said, "decided to continue a mis-ranked mission. It was originally a C-rank but they ran into nuke-nins on the way, out to kill their client. The nuke-nins in question were only C-rank, but it was the demon brothers, and everyone knows they work with Zabuza Momochi."

"Yes, the demon of the mist, stupid title that it is- he's A rank, I think. Kakashi shouldn't have had much trouble with him," Naruto interrupted.

"Normally I'd agree with you, but Zabuza had a jonin level accomplice, a Hyoton user, and Kakashi's been slacking since leaving Anbu. Kakashi defeated him once, but ended up suffering from chakra exhaustion, which allowed the previously unseen Hyoton user to spirit Zabuza away, pretending to be a hunter-nin."

"And Kakashi didn't call for backup?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"He claims that he did, but the communications were intercepted," Sarutobi explained. "A week after his first fight with Zabuza, they fought again, except this time Zabuza's apprentice took on Menma and Sasuke. The two managed to hold off the Hyoton user for a while, mostly because Sasuke activated his Sharingan. Before they could defeat . . . I'm honestly not sure if the hunter-nin was male or female. Both Menma and Sasuke are certain 'she' was female, while Kakashi says 'he' was male."

"Get on with the story, old man," Naruto said. "If need be, just refer to the hunter-nin as _it_ ," Naruto finished, grinning.

"To continue, before they could defeat the hunter-nin, she-"

"Ah, two to one majority on the gender, right," Naruto said.

"jumped in front of Kakashi's Chidori when he was about to finish Zabuza. Right after, Gato, Zabuza's employer, showed up with an army of mercenaries and told the weakened Zabuza that he'd been planning to double cross him all along. Of course, Zabuza didn't take kindly to that, and used his remaining strength to massacre Gato and the mercenaries."

"That," Naruto said, "was the best story I've heard in a long time. But yeah, to be serious, I can see why Kakashi's not reliable now. Continuing the mission was a monumentally stupid decision. Why didn't he send a summon for backup? He's got his dogs and they're pretty awesome at stealth, and running! Whatever . . . to sum it up, Kakashi fucked up, and I've got a a genin team now? Yay, I guess."

"Yes, I'm sure you've figured out which team," the Hokage said. "It's rather obvious. Congratulations; you're the jonin sensei for team seven, starting tomorrow."

"Alright, old man, got it," Naruto said. "Kinda sucks that the Hyoton user died though. If what I've heard is true, she might've been the last alive, which means I gotta work out Hyoton from scratch. That's gonna take years!"

"Yes, I'm sure it will," Sarutobi said drily. "As long as there's nothing else, you're dismissed. Use the-" There was slight displacement of air and Naruto was gone. "door," Sarutobi finished, sighing.

* * *

 **Omake: None of this is real. Do I really like girls, or am I into little boys? Let's check!**

"Ahahahaha. Perhaps you're not as worthless as I thought, little genin. It's too bad you're last on the list. I'd love to take you now, but alas, you'll have to wait your turn."

"What!" Naruto shouted. "You're not only a murderer, but a pedophile too? You're never going to _take_ me, pedo!"

The masked man sputtered at that declaration, not expecting Naruto's wild assumption. "Wha- no! How the hell did you . . . I don't want to know. I really don't. All I said that you're last on the list. I really don't know how that translated to pedophilia. I'm going to take you prisoner. That's what I meant!"

"Ah, no!" Naruto shrieked, "I'm not into S&M! No thanks! Find someone else!"

"You're not even a teenager yet," the masked man said, exasperated. "You shouldn't be thinking like that at all."

"My mom always told me there are crazy people out there," Naruto explained. "People who will have sex with anything. Children, animals, even inanimate objects. I'm not helping you with your fetish, pedophile!"

"Inanimate objects? I honestly didn't know people did that. I mean, I knew about bestiality and all," the man muttered, "but people really do it with rocks and trees and stuff? Your mother might have made it up. Sounds like something Kushina would do."

"Wait," Naruto said, "You knew my mom? But I didn't know she knew any pedophiles!"

"Quit it already! I'm not a pedophile!"

"Denial's not just a river in Suna!"

"That's it. I'm leaving. I'll be back for you, just you wait." With that, the man faded out of existence.

"He'll be back for me? Definitely a pedophile." Naruto nodded confidently, sure of his interpretation.

 ** _Disillusioned with reality_** , **Obito's abducting jinchuuriki(aka stamina freaks) in order to figure out his true sexuality. 'The Eye of the Moon' is just another innuendo!**

 **A/N:** Comment, flame, do whatever you want. Any feedback is awesome. If you're enjoying the story and want more, follow and/or favorite!

I tried to make Naruto playful and childish, but smart for his age when he first meets Itachi, while she's already become somewhat disillusioned with the Shinobi world, and is more mature as a consequence. I'm not making Naruto much smarter than he could have been in canon. Maybe they seem too smart, but Kakashi graduated the academy at age 5. In the Shinobi world, geniuses are apparently incredible mature.

Theoretically, in canon, Naruto mostly taught himself how to read and had pretty much no one to help him much until Iruka. The sandaime was pretty much his only friend for the longest time. However, his dad was a genius, and his mom had her own unconventional intelligence. I think that with friends and/or family from the start, Naruto could have been a genius, or at least pretty darn intelligent for his age. Ex. Menma(Evil menma or the ultimate tsukuyomi. Both were essentially Naruto with parents and were both intelligent, evil or not.

Why is Naruto communicating with the Kyuubi so early? In canon, he didn't know about it till he was twelve. Here, he's known since the moment it was sealed inside him, and can ask Jiraiya, who visits every so often, for help. Again, Ex. Menma. Both of them were communing with the Kyuubi from an early age and became 'perfect jinchuuriki' by their early teens.

My most awkward scene is probably where Naruto blows up at Kakashi. But I wanted him on the same team as Itachi, and that meant he had to meet Kakashi, his captain in Anbu, and he's still got a temper, even if it's toned down from what it was in canon. Kakashi was the same age and hid from his problems in canon. I assumed he would do the same here, even with a pseudo little brother.

Right before Itachi uses Tsukuyomi on Naruto, she says, "Goodbye Naruto." Right after, she talks to him in Tsukuyomi. The Goodbye is more for appearance, in case Madara(Tobi) is still lurking around. Inside the Tsukuyomi, it's supposedly private, but Itachi is under the impression that Tobi is Madara at this point. He's the self proclaimed most powerful Uchiha ever, and she has no way of knowing how good he is at the Sharingan techniques. For all she knows, he can hijack someone else's Tsukuyomi. Which is why she's hurrying and almost whispering, even during the 'unbreakable illusion.'

Why is Itachi a girl? I don't know. I wanted to make Naruto older and have him in a rare pairing. I've only seen one completed fiction where Naruto is paired with a female Itachi, and it's not that great, mostly filled with Konoha bashing. I also like having Naruto's romantic interest be of equal strength, which is one of the biggest reasons I'm not into Naruto and Anko pairings. Itachi is an S-ranked shinobi, and presumably even stronger in this story with someone 'her' age who can actually match her, until she leaves Konoha.

Naruto with 'bloodlines?' I've always been of the opinion that having an elemental bloodline just streamlines the process. There's no indication that Mokuton was a Senju bloodline, and I'm inclined to believe it's more of a combination of Earth, Water, and natural energy. Or possibly Earth, Water, and Yang release, because the Rikudou Sennin used Yang release to 'breathe life' into the bijuu after creating their bodies with Yin release. I'm of the opinion that without whatever the third part is, Earth and Water combined just makes mud.

Hashirama was a reincarnation of Asura, who had inherited his father's power, presumably including Creation of All things, which would have made it easier for Hashirama to use Yin-Yang release jutsu, kinda like a bloodline. The Senju clan always had powerful life force, which basically means they had an easy time using Yang chakra. So maybe Hashirama was experimenting with his two equally powerful elements of Earth and Water, and he decided to use Yang release one day. Voila, trees.

Either way, my point is that Naruto shares my theory, especially once he hears Kurama's input, so he's going to test it out, and possibly succeed. This isn't just limited to Mokuton. I'm not big on 'hey, Naruto has like ten bloodlines' fictions, and I much prefer my idea. But I'm biased, obviously. I've read another fic similar to this- except where Itachi's a guy- and Naruto had mokuton. But the author never explained how or why, so I spent the entire time stewing over it.

He's not going to use Mokuton much, because Tenzo doesn't have nearly enough chakra to use Hashirama's biggest jutsu, which means Naruto can only learn a certain amount of Mokuton, and he's not going to waste his time developing new Mokuton when he can work on recreating Hiraishin or his own signature jutsus.

Why didn't I include a 'Naruto meets the toads' scene? Well, it's been done so many times, I couldn't really think of any new way to do it and it's honestly not that important of a scene all in all. He's gonna have toad summons because Jiraiya's his godfather and his dad was a toad summoner too. It's kinda obvious, and I feel no need to have a big scene for it. The same for sage training.

The point of this fic is more character development than power development, and it's an AU. Yes, Naruto's kinda of OP. Yes, Itachi is more powerful than in canon. In turn, Obito will be more powerful, Madara will be more powerful, and Pein will probably be more powerful than in canon. The rest of Akatsuki are cannon fodder against Naruto for the most part. I'll try to cut down on bashing as much as humanly possible, so Sasuke's going to be broody, but open to logic somewhat. Sakura's gonna be an obsessed fangirl . . . for like ten paragraphs, tops, before Naruto starts making her into a real Kunoichi, that kinda of thing. Menma will have his faults, and he'll be a lot like my Naruto, because Naruto was a big influence on him growing up, and he wasn't nearly as starved for attention. He had friends, as well as Naruto and Jiraiya. Maybe even Kakashi after Naruto chewed him out. Though that last part isn't that important to the story, so I'll decide later.

I like explaining everything I'm doing, so I have somewhat long author's notes. I'm not planning on explaining all these little details later in the story, so they're in the Author's Notes. If I do hash out one of these ideas in the actual story, I'll remove it from the AN so it's a surprise for new readers. The Author's notes also has some spoilers, because they snuck in there as I was writing, and I'm just trying to alleviate any concerns people have about the story, as well as draw new readers in. I'm the kind of guy who stews over unexplained powers or illogical actions, so I figured I'd fill in the blanks for others who have the same attitude.

Comment, flame, do whatever you want. Any feedback is awesome. If you're enjoying the story and want more, follow and favorite to let me know. Or make sure I know by leaving a review stating exactly that!


	2. Chapter Two: So You Think You're Shinobi

**_OLDER AND WISER_**

Naruto's older when the Kyuubi breaks free- six years old, when he's suddenly saddled with a younger brother and the Kyuubi's yang chakra. It's a lot of responsibility, but he can handle it ... until his best friend kills her clan and joins a terrorist organization. Five years later, Kakashi loses his genin team and Naruto's saddled with a bunch of brats. Narutoxfem!Itachi

 ** _Chapter Two: So you think you're Shinobi_**

 **Since I'm too lazy to write a new disclaimer . . .**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so this is all for fun, and I'm making no profits, and I thank anyone who owns anything relating to Naruto for letting me write this and blah blah blah disclaimer blah blah blah. I'm just a kid playing author.**

Three kids waited in the clearing of Training Ground Three, ostensibly for their lazy, perverted and- most importantly at the moment- chronically late sensei. They'd shown up on time, as usual, each for different reasons. Sasuke had shown up on time because he could always use the time for training, Sakura because she was a devout follower of the rules, and because it gave her three glorious hours to spend with 'Sasuke-kun.'

Menma was just there because he didn't have anything better to do. Sasuke may have enjoyed training twenty four seven, and Sakura may have enjoyed spending hours preparing herself for Sasuke, but for Menma, training was boring, and he wouldn't be caught dead wearing makeup or perfume. He much preferred sealing, but his brother couldn't often find the time to teach him, at least not when their schedules were both open. Prior to training with his team, Menma had the academy until three pm, and his brother usually wasn't free from his duties in Anbu until dinner time.

He'd considered learning from books, but he'd quickly found that it was nigh impossible. For one, sealing was incredibly dangerous without a sensei watching over you while you experimented and tried more complicated seals. The bigger factor though . . . he couldn't find anything higher than beginner level sealing in the library. Sealing was like solving puzzles to him, but just like puzzles, doing the same seals over and over got tiring, so he cherished the times his brother sat down to teach him.

Of course, he had fun sparring, but Sasuke preferred to train on his own most day, and Sakura . . . to be honest, she wasn't even a challenge . . . to anyone, possibly even civilians. A bit harsh, but mostly true. She'd started putting more effort into her training after the recent C-rank turned A-rank, but she still seemed to worry about even sweating.

So here they all were, Sasuke running through taijutsu katas against an invisible opponent, Menma trying to catch up on sleep, and Sakura staring at Sasuke with a glazed look in her eyes. This was how Naruto found them when he shunshined to the edge of the clearing five minutes before the 'official' meeting time. Of course, no one noticed him, not expecting their sensei to be there for at least another two and a half hours. In fact, Naruto thought, they probably didn't even know Kakashi had been replaced.

Hmmm, that had potential. He could actually show up as himself . . . but that would be boring. Which was why when he shunshined into the clearing five minutes later, he looked like an exact replica of a certain silver haired jounin, mask and all. "Ohayou, my cute little genin!"

Sakura shrieked, Sasuke's jaw dropped and Menma . . . didn't wake up. Really, Naruto thought, his brother was a very heavy sleeper, especially for a ninja.

"Kai," Sakura shouted quickly. When 'Kakashi' didn't vanish or change into someone else, Sakura slumped to the ground, rocking back and forth, hugging her knees to her chest. Straining his ears, Naruto thought he heard her repeating "It's not real" over and over. Boy was he glad he'd used his ninjutsu henge; otherwise the prank might've be over before it began. Sasuke still hadn't stopped gaping, apparently in shock.

"Maa, Sasuke, is there something on my face?" Naruto asked, feigning confusion.

"Yes, Sensei," Sasuke said, unfreezing. "There's a mask, and and a headband," he continued, smirking slightly.

" Maa, Sasuke, there's no need to be so literal," Naruto admonished, before glancing over at his still sleeping brother. "Wake your teammate up please, Sasuke."

Sasuke glanced down at Menma before kicking him in the side. "Wake up, Dobe," Sasuke said, giving him another kick for good measure.

"Mmmrg," groaned Menma as he woke up. "Has it been three hours already?"

"No," Sasuke said. "Sensei . . . showed up on time." His voice shook at the last part, as if he couldn't believe it himself.

"What!?" Menma shrieked, on his feet in an instant and staring at 'Kakashi.' "Oh my god," he whispered. "The world's ending. We're all gonna die!"

"Is it really so hard to believe?" Naruto asked perplexedly, drawing on his inner Kakashi.

"Yes!" All three yelled at once.

"Mou, so mean," 'Kakashi' pouted.

"So, sensei," Menma said after a moment of silence, "Why are you so close to being . . . on time for once? My god, I can't even connect you with the concept of being on time."

"Well, I went to visit an old monkey in his cage, and he screeched at me enough that I ended up deciding to be a better sensei!" Naruto finished, trailing off and looking distinctly pleased with himself.

"That's one of your lamest ones yet, Sensei," Menma said, rolling his eyes. Apparently, Menma was a sort of spokesman for the group. It made sense, with Sasuke's antisocial tendencies and Sakura's purported confidence issues. It could also have something to do with the fact that Sakura was still rocking and muttering about illusions.

"Oh, really," Naruto said, smiling evilly. "Well, just for doubting the undeniable truth, all three of you can run ten laps around the training ground."

"But Sensei," Sakura moaned, no longer muttering. "We'll get so sweaty! And it'll take us forever!" Naruto's smile widened even further, if possible.

"Ah, well, you'd better get started then," 'Kakashi' said.

"Sensei," Sakura said. "I don't think I can run that far!"

"Ah," 'Kakashi' said. "You don't need to run ten laps around the training ground Sakura." Naruto cackled on the inside as he saw her face light up.

"Of course, if you don't want to run ten laps around the training ground," Naruto said, "You can run ten laps around Konoha. I'd take the first option if I were you, but what do I know? Maybe you'd like to run ten laps around Konoha?"

Sakura gulped audibly, shrinking back from her sensei's wide grin. "N-No! I'll run the ten laps- around the training ground I mean!"

"Ah, good choice," 'Kakashi' said, glancing at the three genin who still hadn't moved. "Well? What're you waiting for? An order from the Hokage? Go!"

Naruto chuckled as the three genin scampered off to run their laps. He'd forgotten how much fun it was scaring newbies. Especially his own brother. It'd be hilarious to see his reaction to the revelation that his brother had been masquerading as his sensei.

However, that begged the question- when should they find out? Naruto could do a reasonable imitation of Kakashi, if he did say so himself. In fact, he'd been looking for a chance to test his infiltration skills. While being a ninjutsu specialist with massive chakra reserves was definitely a boon, it also meant that he was only really sent on the high profile missions, where showing off with flashy jutsu would garner Konoha more fame and support.

Masquerading as Kakashi was fun, plain and simple. He had to admit to himself- he'd been bored lately; the job of an Anbu commander wasn't all that fun. There were actually three of them at one time, a fact which most Anbu didn't know. Of course, they weren't supposed to, which is why the three wore the same mask and outfit when addressing the rest of Anbu.

Even with the three splitting the workload, there was way too much paperwork for anyone's taste. This was the most fun he'd had in a while, just from about two and a half minutes of posing as Kakashi. Did he really need to stop? No, no he didn't.

'Alright,' he decided, 'Operation impersonation is a go!' He didn't know the Chidori, but he also didn't really need it to train genin. It was an assassination technique for crying out loud, and from what he'd been able to extrapolate, Kakashi knew the rasengan, so he could at least use the normal version of one of his favorite jutsu.

'Wow,' he thought, 'It's been years since I've used just a plain rasengan!' And it had been. With all of his other versions, including the other techniques he'd derived from it, the regular rasengan was not nearly as useful to him as it once had been. It couldn't even be thrown, not without adding wind chakra, because it would destabilize upon leaving his direct control. The wind chakra helped hold it together and gave it greater cutting power. He could do it with any element, really, but wind was his natural affinity, and consequently his favorite element.

He'd gotten better with the other four chakra natures than many experienced jonin who had them as their natural affinities. Of course, that could also be attributed to the fact that a lot of Jonin didn't even attempt to master their affinities. Generally, being able to do a few high class techniques was enough for most.

Naruto hadn't quite mastered the four other elements, but he was getting close- he knew it. And Kurama'd told him that he could negate _all_ ninjutsu if he mastered all of the elements and used them conjointly with Yin-Yang release.

He was definitely going to at least attempt it, because negating all ninjutsu? Many ninja would cut off all their arms and legs for something like that. Or at least their arms; most shinobi couldn't really function without their legs.

'Although there are some shinobi who never seem to use their legs,' Naruto thought wryly as he watched Sakura fall behind in the first lap. Had Kakashi done any endurance training with them? Of course, he'd been told that Kakashi hadn't taught them anything but the tree climbing exercise, but he'd assumed that was in terms of chakra techniques.

Had Kakashi taught them anything? Maybe Kakashi'd spent the entire time running through teamwork exercises. The team seemed to have some slight problems. From what he'd read in their academy reports, Sakura seemed to have a crush on Sasuke. Neither Menma nor Sasuke seemed to like each other very much. According to his information on those two, especially his brother, he could take a guess at their reasons.

Sasuke was a loner, apparently obsessed with gaining power to avenge his clan and killing his sister. So he wouldn't be interested in someone like Sakura, who he saw as useless. Menma was constantly trying to get out of their father's shadow, but it wasn't consuming him. He was a social kind of guy most of the time, and probably didn't appreciate Sasuke's antisocial tendencies. With Sakura, he probably just wasn't into girls yet, or liked someone else. Either way, he'd complained to Naruto more than once about how annoying fangirls were. At least there was one thing he and Sasuke had in common, Naruto thought with a snicker.

The genin were almost halfway through, sans Sakura, and even she was at least making an effort, having just finished her third lap. At least they weren't complete lost causes; Naruto knew for a fact that both Menma and Sasuke had relatively large reserves for their age, Menma more so. And Sakura had naturally perfect chakra control, impressive even with her small reserves. Most new genin- even ones with chakra reserves the same size as Sakura's- tended to take a minimum of ten tries to perfect the tree walking exercise.

According to Kakashi's last team report, she'd achieved it on her first try. So she definitely had potential as a medic or genjutsu specialist. Although Naruto was leaning towards medic nin, since every team should have a medic- theoretically. Sadly, Tsunade's efforts to implement an actual policy regarding medic-nins' distribution among teams had ultimately been rebuffed by the council.

The council itself technically didn't veto it. That was the Sandaime . . . due to pressure put on him by the council. While technically the village was a military dictatorship, the civilian 'council' itself was made up of the most influential and wealthy civilians in Konoha. Together, they had a considerable amount of political power, and it was very difficult for the Hokage to refuse them anything important when they could collapse Konoha's economy on a whim.

The council wouldn't usually be much of a problem, with their very limited information about shinobi affairs. However, Danzo was fond of leaking to them just enough information to ensure they did exactly what he wanted. And Danzo had apparently not wanted to decrease the productivity of the hospital, even short term, by assigning dangerous missions to valuable medic-nins.

Naruto honestly couldn't comprehend most of Danzo's decisions. The man claimed to want the best for Konoha . . . by having them go to war with all of the other great nations. No matter how many 'prodigies' and genius' Konoha had, they wouldn't be able to stand alone against all of the other hidden villages. It was preposterous, and Danzo seemed to believe it was in Konoha's best interests.

Ah, Menma and Sasuke seemed to be finishing up the tenth lap, neck in neck. They'd turned it into a race apparently, one that'd ended with no clear winner. Well, Naruto noted, their rivalry could probably be played up to entice them to improve. Sakura probably had an inferiority complex, being with these two, and he'd have to find a way to boost her confidence. So once he got her into the mindset of an actual shinobi, she'd probably be raring to improve and 'catch up' to her teammates, both of whom would seem so far ahead of her for now.

He'd definitely need to get them to appreciate each other's abilities once he started them on specialization. He could play up Sakura's important role as the medic of the team. Menma was a budding Seal Master, which had been a rare commodity in the Element Nations ever since the fall of Uzushiogakure. And Naruto knew for a fact that Menma at least acknowledged Sasuke's skills in taijutsu, and ninjutsu as well, to a lesser extent; Menma regularly shared his opinions with his older brother when they were together, and that included those he'd formed about his peers.

With Sasuke's sharingan and Sakura's perfect chakra control, he could have them both delve into genjutsu, even if they didn't specialize in it. Menma had a fair repertoire of ninjutsu, even with his desire to specialize in fuuinjutsu- Naruto'd made sure of it, being a ninjutsu specialist himself. So that made a ninjutsu specialist with some genjutsu on the side- Sasuke, a fuuinjutsu specialist with some ninjutsu on the side- Menma, and Sakura- who could probably specialize in Iryojutsu and Genjutsu, with her control. Until she advanced particularly far in either technique, it would be pretty easy for her. She just needed to work on increasing her reserves, really.

And speak of the devil, Naruto thought, watching Sakura collapse to the floor in a dead faint following her final lap. That hadn't really been Naruto's intention at all; he'd really just intended for that to be a warmup. So either his idea of what genin could do was skewed or Kakashi was a terrible sensei . . . probably both.

"Right," Naruto said cheerily, walking over to his three new genin. "Alright, I think we'll give Sakura a break, shall we?" Naruto suddenly realized he didn't know how to 'eye smile.' But honestly, why would he have needed to learn it before this? It wasn't like he was some masked freak with a single sharingan eye.

"Luckily you two are both conscious, so we can move onto chakra control exercises!" Naruto said, pointedly ignoring the two boys' rather noticeable groans. "Won't that be fun! Let's go, chop chop." Menma and Sasuke reluctantly pulled themselves to their feet, following their sensei as he walked backwards, leading them across the clearing.

"So," Naruto started, "You're all proficient with the tree climbing exercise, so we can move on. This next exercise is called water walking." Menma and Sasuke seemed to perk up upon hearing the name of the exercise, correctly assuming what the exercise was about and consequently abandoning their attempts to play up their exhaustion.

"Finally!" Menma yelled. "I've been trying to get my brother to teach me forever!" Naruto snickered to himself; he'd refused mostly because he knew his brother had very little patience with anything not relating to seals. Thus, he'd wanted to pawn off the responsibility of teaching water walking on his brother's sensei, because it required a lot of focus until it was mastered. It was fairly ironic that he'd ended up having to teach his brother anyways.

"Sensei?" Sasuke began, turning his head to face Naruto as they stopped in the center of the training field.

"Yes, Sasuke?" Naruto responded, already anticipating the genin's question.

"How are we going to learn water walking? There's no water here."

"Ah, it may seem that way now Sasuke," Naruto said sagely, "but there is water all around us, in the air and in the ground, even in our bodies."

"Whatever Sensei," Menma said, practically buzzing with energy, his Uzumaki heritage coming into play. "I'm with Sasuke, for once. I mean, none of that stuff's gonna help us. We can't walk on air, or inside the ground, or inside our bodies. Shouldn't we go to a pond or something?"

"Watch and learn, little genin," Naruto said. "Watch and learn." Of course, Naruto could've easily just taken them to a pond or something like that, but he wanted to show off. "Menma, Sasuke, stand back please," Naruto warned, chakra coalescing in his hands.

The genin obligingly took a step back, having learned that Kakashi had some very high powered techniques. Of course, this wasn't Kakashi, but it did happen to be one of the few people in the village with a comparable repertoire of ninjutsu, a much more destructive repertoire at least. Naruto certainly had no shortage of techniques capable of blowing a hole in the ground, though he had to account for jutsu Kakashi could plausibly know in this case.

Checking to make sure the genin had backed up enough, he pumped more energy into the sphere, watching it triple in size, before slamming it into the ground at his feet. Luckily, he'd been prepared to jump away as soon as he released the jutsu, and escaped without any damage as the ground literally exploded.

Once the dust cleared, Naruto glanced at the hole to make sure it was big enough. The giant rasengan, while not one of _his_ more destructive techniques, was bigger and more powerful than anything an average jonin could even use, aside from dragons of each element. However, those were usually draining enough that not many jonin could afford to use them in an actual fight.

And it seemed it'd done the job. Where there'd been flat ground just minutes before, there was a perfectly circular hole approximately five feet deep. Heedless of the genin gaping behind him, he spit out enough water to fill the impromptu swimming pool he'd created.

"Whoa," Menma breathed out, "I didn't know you could do that sensei! What technique was that?"

"That, my cute little genin, was the rasengan," Naruto explained. "Or at least a more powerful version. I can't do too many of those before depleting my chakra-" not true for Naruto, but probably for Kakashi- "but it was the ideal technique in this case."

"The rasengan?" Menma repeated. "You know my dad's jutsu?"

"Of course I do," Naruto said. "He was my sensei, after all!" Naruto actually didn't know if Kakashi knew the rasengan; he'd never really thought to ask. But at least if he was spouting BS, it was believable BS. His father had been Kakashi's sensei, and it made sense that he'd have taught Kakashi his first original technique.

"Really?" Menma asked, voice rising in his excitement. "Who were your teammates? Can I meet 'em?!"

'Kakashi' grimaced. "No. They're dead." Naruto said bluntly.

"Oh," Menma said. "Sorry."

"Don't worry," Naruto said, forcing himself to brighten up slightly. Talking about Obito and Rin wasn't fun for him; they'd both died, Obito when he was five, and Rin a few months later. He didn't remember much from back then, but he knew they'd been like siblings to him, much like Kakashi was before his parents' deaths. "You couldn't have known, Menma. It's not your fault."

"Alright," he said, plastering on a bright- and purposely fake- smile. "Let's get to water walking!" Naruto stepped out onto the water, showing off the technique so they could see it in action. "Water walking works on the same principles as tree walking, although it is exponentially more difficult. For one, the water's not a solid surface, and you'll need to use more chakra. For another, when the water's moving around-"

Naruto used a weak wind jutsu to stir up the pond somewhat, while maintaining the technique. "Yeah, when the water's moving around, you'll have to constantly adjust the flow of chakra," Naruto continued. "Much like tree walking, you'll be able to do it without thinking once you've mastered it, but until then, it takes a lot of concentration.:

"Ha, I'll have it in no time, Bastard" Menma crowed. "Just watch me!" Naruto shook his head, smirking slightly. His brother was a lot like he'd been when he was younger: impulsive, confident, and very competitive. He snickered when Menma made it only a single step before falling in. Sasuke didn't fare much better and soon they were both soaking wet

"Well, you two seem to be doing fine," Naruto said, ignoring both genins' baleful looks. "So I'll leave you to this while I wake Sakura and bring her over here. With her chakra control, she shouldn't have much trouble, but she desperately needs to increase her reserves."

He strolled over to Sakura's position at the edge of the training ground where she'd collapsed following her run. "Sakuraaaa, time to wake u-up," he said. 'Right, so that didn't work,' Naruto thought, as Sakura showed no signs of waking. 'Ok, so . . . Water Clone . . . and Clone Explosion . . . and . . . ta da.'

Sakura woke up spluttering, her hair and clothes completely soaked. And it looked like her mascara was running. 'What kind of ninja wears mascara?' Naruto thought incredulously.

"Alright," Naruto said, not allowing Sakura a moment to get her bearings. "C'mon Sakura. Let's get that . . . makeup off your face. Take a breath!"

"Wait, wha-" Sakura had regained her bearings enough to attempt a response by the time they'd reached the new pool, but she hadn't even managed to get a sentence out before Naruto dunked her head in the pool. Menma and Sasuke watched bemusedly from the opposite shore, where they'd been working on their water walking, as Sakura started spluttering again.

"I did tell you to take a breath," Naruto said chidingly. "And now I'll tell you again. Take a breath Sakura, a deep breath." Sakura nodded quickly, thinking better of questioning him and inhaling deeply. Which happened to be a good choice, because Naruto dunked her right back in a second later.

"And another deep breath, please!" And with one final dunk, Sakura's face was clear of any makeup. "And we're clear! Or, uh, your face is anyways."

"Sensei! Wha- Why?"

"Ah, why, you ask? Because your makeup was smearing. I just did you a favor." Naruto's somewhat logical reply seemed to only exasperate Sakura.

"But Sensei," Sakura said, "My makeup's never smeared before! It's all your fault! You were the one who had us running laps!"

"Sakura," Naruto groaned, "As ninja, we do a lot of running. Hence, that was actually very little. I could keep up the pace you were using for hours."

"Bu-But Sensei! You can't expect me to be as good as you are! I'm only thirteen!" Sakura argued, apparently under the impression that she was a well conditioned thirteen year old . . . which she wasn't in the slightest.

"When I was your age, I did double that as a warmup. At your age, I was already a Jonin. So no, I can't really expect you to be as good as me- but I should be able to expect you to try your hardest."

"I am trying," Sakura said confidently.

"How much are you trying, Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know what you mean, Sensei," Sakura said, visibly confused. Well, that wouldn't do. As her sensei, it was Naruto's job to tell her the truth, something Kakashi obviously hadn't done if she was still this . . . un-kunoichi like.

"Do you consider this trying?," Naruto asked. "You're wearing makeup, when you should be ready for endurance training. You're wearing perfume, which frankly, is absolutely terrible. Anyone from the Inuzuka clan could find you in moments. So you're not trying in endurance, you're not trying in stealth, and apparently not in taijutsu either. Your long hair is a hindrance; any opponent can grab your hair and net themselves a quick victory."

"But I've seen kunoichi with long hair!" Sakura almost shouted, grasping at straws.

"Well, then those kunoichi are either idiots," Naruto began, "or experienced kunoichi who can defend their hair or even use it in battle. You, you're an inexperienced genin. You don't have the skill required to afford long hair- and according to the academy records, you're fairly bright. So use that brain, and either tie up your hair or cut it off. I'll leave it up to you. And tomorrow, and every day onward, you will come to training with no makeup, and no perfume. That's an order." Naruto ordered, attempting to influence her to actually take her duties seriously.

"Yes, Sensei," Sakura muttered, deflating. It was honestly quite pathetic, and Naruto decided that he'd cheer her up a bit, enough so she wouldn't look so much like a kicked puppy, but little enough so the message still sunk in.

"Now, while those are are detriments, what you do have going for you is your chakra control," Naruto said.

"But Sensei," Sakura said, obviously. "What good is that? I don't have enough chakra to even use any ninjutsu without being totally exhausted!" Had Kakashi taught them anything? No, Naruto thought, probably not. Apparently they'd ended up taking a C-rank as their first mission, and Kakashi most likely hadn't had time to teach them on the road much at all.

Naruto was on mostly neutral terms with Kakashi at the moment, but some of his past bitterness was causing him to judge the other jonin unfairly. He took a deep breath, calming himself down, before answering Sakura.

"You don't need ninjutsu at this point. Your value, Sakura, lies in iryojutsu or genjutsu. With your exceptional chakra control, you could become a fantastic medic, or a great Genjutsu specialist. Ninjutsu will come later, when you've built up your reserves enough. Think about it, and if you decide on one or the other, I'm sure I can find you a specialist to help."

"You're getting rid of me," Sakura said, tearing up.

"What?" Naruto said. "No, I'm not getting rid of you. I'd still take care of training your taijutsu and other basic skills, while I'd find someone else to teach you the subjects that I'm lacking in, those being medical techniques and illusions."

"Oh, ok," Sakura said quietly, now seemingly lost in thought.

"Right, so while you think about that, I'll go help your teammates," Naruto said. "You need to rest right now. Nap, do whatever, until we build up your endurance some, you'll probably be exhausted by every run I have you do; I'm not going to go easy on you, and I'm going to push you to your limits, whatever they are on any given day."

"So," Naruto said, clapping his hands together, "Menma, Sasuke, your turn!" He walked across the water towards them, purposely mocking them with his mastery of the skill. Hopefully, they'd take it as incentive to improve.

"Sit down, you two," Naruto said. "You've been working on this for a while; it's a bit more chakra intensive than tree walking, and I need to talk to you both anyways, so take a break." Both genin abandoned their attempts to water walk, dropping down on the shore in front of their sensei, who annoyingly enough, was still standing on the water with no apparent effort.

"Right, so . . . Menma, your parents were both seal masters," Naruto said. "So I assume you have at least some knowledge of the art?"

"Yeah!" Menma exclaimed. "I love seals! My brother's teaching me, but he doesn't really have the time to apprentice me officially. But they're so much fun! It's just so natural- they're like little puzzles and-"

"Ahem," Naruto coughed, interrupting him. Menma flushed slightly, realizing he'd been ranting.

"Sorry, I just- I just really love seals," he said, apologizing.

"Ah, don't worry about it," Naruto said, waving off his apology. "We all have our vices. But this does bring up a good point. I assume you two listened when I was talking to Sakura. No, no need to be embaressed. If I hadn't wanted you two to listen, I'd've gone out of hearing range. But I was talking to Sakura about specialization."

"Specialization?" Sasuke said. "Like if we focus on ninjutsu or taijutsu, that'd be our specialization?"

"Got it in one, Sasuke," Naruto said. "That's exactly it. And I've got some suggestions, if you'd be willing to hear 'em." At both boys' nods, he continued. "For Menma, it seems like you're a seal master in the making. Keep it up- seal masters are incredibly dangerous. Seals can do almost anything, from sealing tailed beasts to traveling through time and space."

"Sasuke, you've got your sharingan now," Naruto said. "So I'd suggest specializing in either ninjutsu or genjutsu, ninjutsu more so. You've got enough chakra that you should be able to use a fair amount of ninjutsu before hitting your limit, and even if you don't go around copying jutsu, the Sharingan also allows you to see your own chakra flow, allowing for greater chakra manipulation."

"Alongside your specializations, I'd suggest for you, Menma, that you also focus on ninjutsu and taijutsu. Sasuke, I'd suggest you focus on genjutsu and taijutsu as well. With a seal master, ninjutsu specialist, and a medic, this team will already be extremely well rounded. If you can all use other disciplines nearly as efficiently, I can see this team becoming just as powerful as the Sannin, if not more." He said, straightening up and turning back towards Sakura. "When you're up to it, you two should get back to water walking. It's a very important skill, especially if you ever go on a mission to Kiri." Naruto smiled as he headed to start Sakura on building her reserves via repetition.

The team was a little rough around the edges, but they had a lot of potential, and their individual skills would balance each other out quite well. Naruto shuddered when he imagined training an identically specialized team. While search and interrogation teams were both integral to Konoha, they usually had very little potential compared to other shinobi, due to overspecialization in one aspect. While overspecialization tended to benefit teams in certain areas, it was the reason many T&I teams or tracking teams couldn't take on very powerful shinobi, even working together.

The fact that the main tracking clans- Inuzuka, Aburame, and Hyuuga- all tended to forgo outside ninjutsu or genjutsu and stick to clan techniques didn't help. This meant that Aburame were useless against Katon and Futon users for the most part, and the Inuzuka or Hyuuga were easily outranged.

Luckily, his team was fairly versatile. When he'd told Menma and Sasuke that their team could surpass the Sannin, he hadn't been lying. Just potential wise, team seven was a gold mine.

He let the team practice for another two hours- Sakura on tree walking and the boys on water walking- before he called a halt to the training. "Alright," he said," Good work today." He chuckled as the three visibly preened. 'Time for the big reveal,' Naruto thought wryly.

"So, as you may have noticed," Naruto said, "I've been different today." At the three nods, he continued. "Well, you're wrong. I'm not any different. However, I'm also not Kakashi," he finished, dropping the henge, and grinning at the exclamations of surprise.

"Ta-da!" Naruto said. "My name is Namikaze Naruto, and I'm your new sensei!"

"New sensei?" Sakura asked. "What happened to Kakashi-sensei?"

"Kakashi was deemed unfit to lead you after making the choice to continue your mission, even after the change in mission parameters. Don't waste your breath arguing his case," Naruto said, holding up his hand. "It's not going to do any good. I don't have any way of reversing the decision. I've been assigned as team seven's sensei and that's that." Really, Sakura had been the only one to even attempt to argue. The other two appeared to think it was for the better; really, if this wasn't a case of Kakashi's faux laziness biting in the butt, what was?

"I spent today observing you all. And what I've found is-" here they all tensed. "You're rough around the edges, but you have a lot of potential. Just because I was masquerading as Kakashi doesn't make my advice any less valid. Sakura, I expect you to come tomorrow with no makeup and no perfume. Your hair needs to be either cut or pinned up. If you're truly dedicated to being a kunoichi, then show me! All of you, we meet at eight tomorrow morning so don't be late. I'm not Kakashi, and I require you to be on time, as I will be. That's all. Training's over for today, c'mon Menma." Naruto finished, grasping his brother's shoulder before both of them disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"Menma? Wha- oh yeah, Namikaze. Must be related," Sakura muttered out loud as she and Sasuke left the training field in different directions. For once, Sakura didn't care about trying for a date with Sasuke; she now had more important things on her mind. Her sensei'd said the team had a lot of potential- all three of them. She may not have a lot of chakra, but she certainly wouldn't be left behind!

 **A/N:** That's a wrap, folks. Why is Naruto masquerading as Kakashi? Well, he's a prankster at heart, and it also allowed him to see what the team could do; if he'd shown up as himself at first, for all he knew they might have hated him for replacing Kakashi or tried harder than they usually did to impress him. He wanted to see how hard they worked and what they did on a normal training day. As the day goes on, he relaxes and decides to end the ruse at the end of the training session.

So, as I promised, Naruto deals with Sakura's fangirl-ism as soon as possible. Sakura's not blatant with her fangirl-ism. In the anime, from what I remember, she was level headed most of the time, and she wasn't nearly as obsessed with Sasuke as many fictions depict her as being. Her inner self may make some relatively besotted or aggressive comments, but many fictions have her as a useless, squealing fangirl(She doesn't squeal "Sasuke-kun" every two seconds like some people seem to think). That's honestly kind of boring, and I'm not out to bash every character who's ever done something wrong or made a mistake.

I honestly think Kakashi could have done a better job as a sensei overall, but the Wave Mission is one of team seven's first missions, if not their very first(someone please set me straight here- did team seven do any D-ranks first or was Naruto's(now Menma's) mini tantrum on the first day? I haven't watched the anime in forever and I'm too lazy to re-watch it. I've never read the manga, and my info on its differences from the anime mostly come from Wikis.) So it's only after the wave mission where Kakashi can really be blamed from deficiencies in his teaching. Naruto has past grievances with Kakashi that caused him to blame him for more than he should have at first.

Most of this chapter was for Sakura's benefit, but regardless of the time Naruto spent with her, he ended up spending about equal time with each of them. I had a two hour time skip, because I really didn't want to write two hours of minor comments and advice. During that time, Naruto was helping all three of them, and further helping them plan out their training regimens.

I'm honestly not sure if I want to write out every little bit of the Chuunin Exams. This fic is more about Naruto, and eventually Itachi, not Team Seven. So, if you want me to write out the entire Chuunin Exams from Team Seven's POV, tell me. If you want me to just gloss over them, showing them from Naruto's point of view, let me know. Review, please! I need feedback!

If you're enjoying the story, please follow and/or favorite. I plan to update at least once a week if possible, but you can help by reviewing and telling me to get off my ass. I'm lazy, and I'm not afraid to admit it!


	3. Chapter Three: The Snake Hermaphrodite

**_Older and Wiser_**

 ** _Chapter Three: A Wild Crazy Snake Lady Appears, And It's Not Anko_**

 **Since I'm too lazy to write a new disclaimer . . .**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so this is all for fun, and I'm making no profits, and I thank anyone who owns anything relating to Naruto for letting me write this and blah blah blah disclaimer blah blah blah. I'm just a kid playing author.**

* * *

Naruto strolled into the training ground, smiling slightly at the sight of all three of his genin waiting near the pond. If he were to be honest with himself, he hadn't really expected to enjoy having a genin team. But he'd found it a refreshing experience. Sure, they could be annoying at times, but it was an incredible feeling, looking upon young shinobi who he'd personally trained and molded into better ninjas, and even better people, or so he hoped.

"Gather around, you three," he said, watching as quickly suppressed surprise flashed across their features. Seconds later, he had three genin standing in front of him, each standing rigidly in a classic salute. "Relax, guys." Naruto himself wasn't one to stand on formality much when he could get away with ignoring it, but he'd needed to impress upon the three genin that there were certain times that they did need to be somewhat formal.

"What's up?" Menma asked nonchalantly as he slouched down slightly. Of the three, he was probably the one who showed the least respect to Naruto, which made sense, seeing as Sakura was extremely eager to please and Sasuke seemed to respect him for his skills. Menma, on the other hand, had known him for years, and didn't feel the need to defer much to his own brother. He'd always been independent, something which evidently hadn't changed with his induction into Konoha's shinobi forces. Naruto let it slide, mostly because of his distaste for excessive formality.

"Take a seat," Naruto said, doing so himself. His genin mimicked him seconds later. "How would you three like to slightly increase Konoha's status by participating in a highly lethal, three part death match?"

The three genin shared looks while Naruto waited patiently. Seeing that her two teammates weren't in any hurry to speak, Sakura tentatively broke the silence. "Uh, Sensei? What are you talking about?"

"I've entered you all into the Chunin exams!" Naruto said exuberantly. "Sign here for a chance to die a truly gory death!"

"Sensei, you're just kidding about the dying part, right?" Sakura asked nervously.

"I'm not going to lie to you," Naruto said. "There have been many deaths in the Chunin exams in previous years. That being said, I have complete faith in you three. You've grown a lot since I began training you, and I believe you have what it takes to become Chunin. Of course, there's also the fact that this team has the 'last Uchiha' and the 'youngest Namikaze.' I may or may not have been pressured into entering you three, but I know you all have what it takes."

"But you wouldn't have entered us normally," Sasuke deadpanned.

"Probably not," Naruto admitted. "But it would have only been to make sure you were ready. As it is, Konoha's hosting these exams, so it's much less dangerous than going to a non-allied village, such as Iwa. I have no doubt that Menma would be killed on sight if I entered you three in an Iwa Chunin exams. Or they might try to kill me first and . . . goodbye Iwa."

"Sensei, you're not serious, right?" Sakura asked hesitantly.

"Do you want to take the chance that I am?" Naruto asked, smirking. "Think of it this way, Sakura. If you don't enter in these Chunin exams, and the next ones end up being in Iwa, you three will be responsible for blowing it up!"

"I don't think that's how it works," Menma said, rolling his eyes. "I'm pretty sure they'd still blame you for blowing up the village."

"I can be pretty convincing when I want to be," Naruto said. "Do you really want to take that chance?"

"I'm only agreeing to these exams because I want to become a Chunin," Menma said. "Not because I think you actually would blow up Iwa."

"Uh, Menma?" Sakura said.

"Yes?"

"Did you mean to say could?"

"What?"

"Didn't you mean to say that you don't think Sensei _could_ blow up Iwa?"

"No," Menma said, frowning. "I meant what I said, Sakura."

"Oh," Sakura said in a small voice, before grabbing a form. "I, for one, am not going to take the chance of one of the great villages being blown up."

"Just because he could doesn't mean he would," Menma said.

"I'm not taking that chance," Sakura said forcefully, signing her name on the paper.

"I'm in too," Sasuke said, taking the third form. "We're ready to be promoted."

"Overconfidence can be your downfall," Naruto chided him.

"Sensei," Sasuke said slowly. "You said we're ready. I think we're ready. And Menma heard from Chouji that their group is being entered in the exams. Sakura said she heard it from Ino as well. And I've seen their team practicing. If they're ready, this'll be a piece of cake."

"Well, when you put it like that . . ." Naruto trailed off, staring at them intently. "Yeah, I think you're ready. Still, don't get overconfident. I'm talking to you, Menma, and you, Sasuke."

"Hey, why aren't you telling that to Sakura?" Menma demanded.

"Sakura has confidence problems," Naruto deadpanned. "You and Sasuke have overconfidence problems. I'm more likely to have to tell Sakura to believe in herself than tell her to stop showboating." Seeing Sakura's downcast expression, he hastened to placate her. "I'm not saying you're not prepared Sakura. I'm saying that you need to believe it."

"I know, Sensei," Sakura said, biting her lip. "But Menma and Sasuke are both so powerful? How can I stand on the same level?" Naruto sighed; Sakura truly did have confidence issues, as he'd diagnosed on the first day. It was a chore getting her to believe in herself.

"Sakura, just because you don't have above average chakra reserves doesn't mean that you aren't just as powerful. Your medical jutsu is insane for just a few months of practice. And I've seen you trying to replicate Tsunade's strength technique. It's a work in progress, but I doubt any other genin could even get close to what you've been doing with it." Sakura blushed at the praise, but he could see a small smile playing over her lips- mission accomplished. However, the mood was still a bit tense, as it usually was after he critiqued them. He knew just how to fix that.

"Come on; group hug!" He smiled as they all scrambled backwards and out of his reach. There was nothing better to get them out of their brooding than a good old fashioned group hug. Or an attempt at one. He'd never succeeded in starting one after the first time; they'd been on guard against it ever since.

"I'll expect to see you tomorrow, bright and early, at the academy," Naruto said. "Until then, amuse yourselves. I've got stuff to be doing." He shunshined away, and the genin remained quiet for a moment.

"So," Menma said. "Sparring?"

"I don't think we should be sparring," Sakura said, frowning. "We'll need our energy for the exams."

"That makes no sense," Menma scoffed. "We'll be ready for the exams, and you'll have your energy back as long as you don't drive yourself to exhaustion today and get enough sleep."

"I agree with Menma," Sasuke said. "I'll spar against you two."

"In turns?" Sakura asked.

"Of course not," Sasuke said, smirking. "Me against you two. It's the most even we can get."

"Yeah right, bastard," Menma growled. "I could take you both easily."

"You'll have to prove it another time, idiot," Sasuke said. "For now, it's me against you two."

"Not happening," Menma said, turning away.

"You don't have a choice," Sasuke said, his sharingan spinning into existence. Menma was forced to dodge a lightning fast kick, while Sakura blocked three shuriken.

"Oh, it's on, bastard!" Menma shouted. "But we're definitely doing it my way after!"

"Keep dreaming," Sasuke scoffed.

"Maybe we could just do one on one sparring?" Sakura suggested.

She frowned slightly at the intense glares she received. "Yeah, didn't think so."

* * *

"Ha! Didn't think we'd get here, huh?!" Menma grinned up at his brother, standing in front of the examination room.

"I had complete faith in you," Naruto said, crossing his arms and smirking. "I'd like to think I taught you well enough to spot a simple genjutsu." Then he rolled his eyes and frowned slightly. "Sasuke, did you have to announce it to everyone like that?"

Sasuke's cheeks pinked slightly. "I just couldn't believe they couldn't notice. Besides, it's not like they'll be much challenge anyways if they couldn't see past that illusion."

"Overconfidence can be a ninja's downfall, Sasuke," Naruto said. "You can't just assume. The teams who are deficient in genjutsu detection may be powerhouses in the ninjutsu department or taijutsu specialists. Genjutsu is only one of the three different main shinobi techniques."

"I won't do it again, Sensei," Sasuke said.

"Good," Naruto said. "Now that the pleasantries are out of the way . . . the room behind me is where you need to be. Just remember: don't kill Konoha shinobi, but everyone else is free game."

"Got it," Menma said, nodding. "Anything else?"

"Not much I can think of," Naruto said, making a show of concentrating. "Well, I mean, except for the fact that- you know Gaara of the desert, right?"

"We've met," Sasuke said.

"Oh, good," Naruto said. "Well, I mean, I guess I should tell you he's the one tails jinchuuriki, but everyone knows that, right? Anyways, good luck. Don't die!"

"Wait-" Menma cried, but Naruto had already disappeared before Menma had even processed the information. "Goddammit Naruto! You couldn't have told us that before?"

"What's a jinchuuriki?" Sakura asked. Sasuke looked curious as well, so he probably didn't know either.

"A human sacrifice," Menma explained. "It's a human who has a tailed beast sealed inside of them."

"Whoa," Sasuke breathed. "You mean one of the bijuu?"

"Yeah," Menma said. "Why?"

"If I had that power," Sasuke whispered.

"Whoa," Menma said. "Hold your horses Sasuke. First off, there's no way for you to get that power. I'm pretty sure that if you're not an Uzumaki, or closely related, you can't become a jinchuuriki unless you're a baby when the bijuu's sealed. And from what I know, to hold the most powerful, the Kyuubi, you'd have to be an Uzumaki or a Senju and still be a child when it's sealed within you. If, you know, you don't want to get eroded by raw tailed beast chakra from the inside out."

"How do you know so much about jinchuuriki and tailed beasts, Menma?" Sakura asked curiously.

"Sorry," Menma said. "I'll ask if I can tell you, but until then, it's a secret."

"Well," Sasuke said. "If that's all, we should enter the testing room before time's up." The three headed in without further comment. They exchanged pleasantries with their fellow genin. Well, Menma did. Sasuke tried to ignore his very heavy, blonde hanger-on while Sakura repeatedly told herself that Sasuke wasn't her life and that she didn't want to rip Ino limb from limb.

* * *

"Ninja info cards?" Sasuke asked rhetorically. "So do you only have cards on the contestants in these exams?"

"Well, no," Kabuto said. "I also have cards for certain powerful ninja; in particular, I've scrounged up information on the various sensei of any of the teams here."

"You wouldn't happen to have a card for Namikaze Naruto, would you?" Sasuke asked.

"Your own sensei?" Kabuto said, surprised. "I'd thought you would want to know about the competition, but to each their own." He pulled out a card from near the bottom of the stack. "Here, this is what I have on him. I'll read it out."

"Wait," Menma said. "Sasuke, are you sure you want to broadcast sensei's information to everyone here?"

"Hn," Sasuke said. "I doubt it will be much use to anyone here. He's a jonin; everyone here are genin, and I don't believe knowing his mission history or basic skills will let them get the jump on Sensei."

"Ahem," Kabuto said. "Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto. Let's see here . . . The son of the Yondaime Hokage and Kushina Uzumaki, he's a Kage level shinobi, and a candidate for the Hokage position. He was a genin at age seven, made Chunin at age ten, and was promoted to Jonin at age twelve. He was close friends with Itachi Uchiha before the Uchiha massacre, and they were both promoted at the same time, all three times. He was responsible for the Morisue crater in Ame, where he quite literally pulverised the S-rank shinobi, Takako Morisue."

"That's your sensei?" Kiba asked incredulously. "I thought you had that Kakashi guy!"

"He got replaced," Menma said shortly, frowning harshly at Kabuto. He wasn't exactly happy about his brother's personal history being broadcasted, even though the silver haired genin apparently hadn't known about Naruto's jinchuuriki status. That in itself was strange, however, because his brother had said that almost every adult living in Konoha knew about his jinchuuriki status, and if this Kabuto was as good as he said he was, he should have known as well. Maybe he'd also known that it was an A-ranked secret and that he'd be punished harshly for sharing it? Whatever the case, Menma thanked Kami for small mercies.

Nothing else really happened between then and the written exams. Well, if you didn't count Kabuto just randomly getting beat up for insulting Sound, that is. Menma didn't feel that it was exciting; satisfying, yes, but not exciting.

The test was difficult, but it didn't take long to figure out that it was about cheating. The cheating itself was a little more difficult, but not impossible with a henged shadow clone. No one really paid attention to flies on the ceiling.

The difficult part came with the start of the second part of the exam. A crazy lady named Anko introduced the exam, attempting to inspire fear among the examinees. Menma did have to admit that he had been a little bit creeped out by the 'Forest of Death' before he managed to think logically and realize that his team was particularly strong compared to the other competitors, and if the forest had dangers difficult to normal genin, Team Seven shouldn't have too much difficult accomplishing it if they worked together.

To his embarrassment, he had to go to the bathroom almost as soon as they entered the forest. Menma took his time, figuring that a couple minutes wouldn't matter over a period of five days and that making sure he was all set for the next few hours was more important that rushing it and soiling himself. He regretted that decision almost immediately when he returned to the clearing and found his teammates facing off against a giant snake.

"Menma!" Sakura shouted. "You sure took your time! Get over here and help!"

He didn't bother with a sarcastic reply as he rushed to bodyslam the snake away from where it had been baring down on Sasuke. "Water release: water gun!" he shouted, before blowing a stream of water that managed to knock the snake into a tree. "Guys, what the hell happened while I was gone? I spent literally ten minutes away. Ten freakin' minutes; you couldn't wait until I got back to get into trouble? Really?"

"It's not our fault, idiot," Sasuke said, flinging a brace of shuriken at the snake. "We were attacked by some creepy snake lady."

"You mean Anko?" Menma asked as he dodged out of the way of the snake's giant fangs.

"What?" Sasuke said. "No, not Anko. Some other crazy snake lady."

"Was the snake already here or did she summon it?" Menma asked.

"Summoned it," Sakura grunted as she punched the snake, sending it back into another tree. "Damn, this thing is tough."

"Well, I would say Orochimaru," Menma mused. "But as far as I know, he's not a woman. Things change, though. Can't discount it- what happened to her anyways? Where'd the crazy snake lady go?"

"No idea," Sasuke grunted, spewing out a fireball which the snake swerved to avoid. "She was there one second; the next, there was a fox on her head and she vanished."

"Uh, a fox?" Menma said, freezing and almost getting swallowed before Sasuke tackled him out of the way. "And you say the crazy snake lady vanished when the fox jumped on her?"

"Well, I didn't see the fox jump on her," Sakura said, grunting as the snake rammed into the tree she'd jumped into. "I just saw it on her head- damn, this snake just won't die. It can even bash into trees. I thought summons are supposed to die if they're hit hard!"

"Nah," Menma said. "Not all summons. Only the little ones. Cause hitting them really hard would kill them. They dispel when they're at risk of actually dying. Ramming into a tree isn't gonna do much damage to a snake that size."

"How do you know that?" Sakura asked, flinging down a kunai. "Yes! Got it in the eye."

"My brother's a toad summoner," Menma said. "And speaking of my brother . . . he probably was the fox. The crazy snake lady probably was Orochimaru and he teleported her away."

"He followed us?!" Sakura cried indignantly. "He . . . said . . . that . . . he . . . had . . . faith . . . in . . . us!" She punctuated each word with another blow on the snake, progressively harder, until it was finally forced to dispel.

"Wait, so the crazy snake lady was Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, I already said that, Sasuke," Menma said. "Keep up. And Sakura . . . maybe you should be more focused on the fact that, as Sasuke finally figured out, the crazy snake lady was Orochimaru and Naruto saved us from a likely brutal and messy death."

"I heard you before, idiot," Sasuke said. "I was just making sure."

"What'd you need to make sure of?" Menma asked. "I already said it was Orochimaru."

"I don't think we would have died," Sakura interrupted. "I think we could have put up a fight. Sensei said that together, we're a match for a jonin."

"Yeah," Menma said. "A normal Jonin, Sakura. Not an S-ranker. We're still nowhere close to even hitting Naruto in a spar and Orochimaru is around that level, even if I think my brother could take him down."

"Ok, that's a fair point," Sakura admitted. "I'll just have to take out my frustration on any teams stupid enough to cross us!" She punctuated this by punching a tree, and glaring at it as it proceeded to crumple and smash into the ground in front of her. Hiding nearby, a sound team decided that testing Sasuke wasn't really a good idea. Especially if the team's Sensei was still lurking around.

* * *

"Lord Hokage," Naruto said, kneeling down in front of the Sandaime.

"You're never this formal, Naruto," Sarutobi said. "What's so important that you feel the need to actually show respect?"

"Orochimaru was in the forest," Naruto said, standing and unsealing a chair to sit down in.

Sarutobi stared for a moment, wondering why Naruto carried a chair around with him, before deciding that he didn't want to know. "Yes, I heard something similar from Anko earlier. She said that your genin had a run-in with someone they claimed to be Orochimaru, and that they also seemed certain that you had teleported him away."

"Dammit," Naruto said, shaking his head. "I taught them better than that. They really shouldn't have told her that I was there."

"Even though you technically interfered with the chuunin exam, Naruto," Sarutobi said, "I have decided to allow your team to pass. I do not think that genin can be expected to face an S-rank missing ninja, no matter how talented the genin team. As you did not interfere in the exam by stealing scrolls or neutralizing other teams, I have decided to ignore your involvement."

"So, uh, I'm free to go?" Naruto made to stand up before noticing the Sandaime's glare and sitting down again, smiling sheepishly.

"No," Sarutobi said. "I now know that you teleported Orochimaru away. But you have not reported on what happened after you teleported him away or where you brought him to."

"Oh, that," Naruto said. "Well, I dropped Orochimaru into Ame's capitol, before I moved away to watch. I know he's been estranged from Akatsuki for a while and I've never faced him before. So I teleported him there to watch how he fought and see if I could figure out what new jutsu required him to be female."

"And did you?" Sarutobi asked.

"I think so," Naruto said. "At one point, when he was torn to pieces by bits of paper, he slithered out of his skin, rather like a snake, and he was back to his old appearance."

"Interesting," Sarutobi said. "And did you neutralize Orochimaru after he inevitably fled from the confrontation?"

"Um, not exactly," Naruto said. "I was going to, but I think he was reverse summoned to the snake summons' home. I waited awhile, since the only way he could return to the human land would be by being sent back to where he'd been summoned from or setting out from the snake's cave. He didn't get sent back, so either he took the long way, or waited quite a while before returning via summons."

"Hmm," Sarutobi said. "Well, while you didn't manage to dispose of my old student, you did manage to prevent damage to Konoha and its ninja, and forced him to retreat. Not necessarily the ideal situation, as he is still at large, but ultimately much better than if you hadn't acted. It also was not an official mission, so you will not be facing repercussions."

"Thank you, Lord Hokage," Naruto said, bowing and resealing his chair.

"You're dismissed," Sarutobi said. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

"So forward, old man," Naruto teased. "No, why?"

"Another of my students is back in town and is currently peeping on the hot springs."

"I'm going to take a guess and say it's Jiraiya and not Tsunade," Naruto said dryly.

"You would be correct," Sarutobi said. "As he's back in town and you are now involved in the situation, I would like you to be here when he reveals what information he's managed to find about Orochimaru's actions."

"You got it, old man," Naruto said. "I'll be there. But for now, I've got other things to do, and you did say I was dismissed . . ."

"Go, go," Sarutobi said, glancing up to make sure that Naruto was gone before pulling out a distinctive orange book.

* * *

"So, I saw the prelims," Naruto began. "Menma, Sasuke, well done. Sakura, what was with your opponent?"

"I don't know, Sensei," Sakura said forlornly. "And I was really looking forward to a fight, too. The second test was so boring! We only had to fight one team to find the scroll we needed, and then we made it to the tower in only a few more hours. Done on the first day, and we had four days of nothing to do!"

"Meh, it was that girl from Sound," Menma said. "Kin, I think."

"Of course you'd remember the attractive female's name, Menma," Sakura scoffed.

"Sound are wimps," Sasuke said bluntly. "We faced one of their teams in the second test and they really weren't worth mentioning. And then that Kin girl forfeited; honestly, all Sakura did was crack her knuckles. What was so scary?"

"They were the _only_ team we faced in the second test," Sakura grumbled. "It was so boring!"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for the assist with Orochimaru, Sensei," Sakura said, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture. "I still think we could have taken him."

"Sakura's under the impression that we could have taken on an S-rank ninja," Menma said, rolling his eyes.

"I don't think we could have," Sasuke chimed in. "I do wish we'd run into that sand team though."

"No you don't," Naruto said. "Believe me, none of you are ready to face a jinchuuriki. Gaara might as well be an S-rank ninja. He's at least at elite jonin level; you'll need a little work before you can even take him working together."

"Oh yeah," Sasuke growled. "Speaking of S-rank ninja . . . why didn't you tell me you were friends with Itachi?!"

"Maybe because you're already getting worked up about it," Naruto said. "You wouldn't have accepted me as a Sensei if you'd known I was best friends with your sister and you would have pestered me to teach you about her habits, jutsu, and level of ninja skills."

"And why can't you?" Sasuke demanded.

"Maybe because I haven't seen her since we were thirteen? I guarantee you that she's changed since I last saw her. We were talented; yes, we were jonin. But we were only thirteen. She has had _a lot_ of time to improve since then. She could have completely changed her style and gained new jutsu, or unlocked further sharingan techniques. It's been five years, Sasuke."

"Then train me based on how she was when she left!" Sasuke said.

"It would be no better than training against Asuma or Kurenai henged into Kakashi, if you're training to beat Kakashi. In other words, completely pointless."

"I don't care," Sasuke said.

"Ok, now you're just being stupid," Naruto said.

"Wait, Kakashi!" Sasuke shouted.

"What about Kakashi?" Menma cut in. "Are we going to be talking about how bad a sensei he is?"

"He's not a bad sensei," Sakura said. "I've watched the other two teams from our year in the academy, and I've come to the conclusion that Naruto-sensei is just a really hard taskmaster."

"Kakashi," Sasuke said again. "He was my sister's Anbu captain, wasn't he?"

"Wait," Naruto said. "How do you even know that?"

"So he was," Sasuke said. "I want him to train me."

"You do know he was my Anbu captain too for a time, don't you?" Naruto asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes. "Fine. But you'll have to convince him. I'm not helping you there."

"Wait, what do you mean, Sensei?" Sasuke asked, his face twisting in confusion.

"I mean this," Naruto said, lightly grabbing Sasuke's shoulder. They disappeared momentarily, before Naruto reappeared in front of Menma and Sakura, sans Sasuke. Elsewhere, a dog summoner blinked owlishly at the Uchiha standing sheepishly at the foot of his bed in his secure apartment.

"So, what do you guys want to do to train for the finals?" Naruto asked Menma and Sakura.

"Know any seal masters?" Menma asked rhetorically, staring pointedly at his brother.

"Oh, that's a great idea!" Naruto said. "Thanks Menma!"

"Uh, what's a great idea?" Menma asked.

"This," Naruto said, placing a hand on Menma's back. They were gone for a second before Naruto returned, sans Menma. Elsewhere, an aspiring seal master crashed into the back of an experienced voyeur, sending them both through the fence and into the women's side of the hot springs.

"Sensei," Sakura said. "I'm not liking this trend."

"What's not to like?" Naruto asked, seeming genuinely confused. "So, what do you want to do for your training?"

"I'm not sure I should answer this," Sakura said apprehensively.

"Nonsense," Naruto said. "Go ahead."

"Um, ok," Sakura said. "I want to train my medic jutsu and maybe try to figure out more of Tsunade's strength jutsu."

"Thank you for making this so easy for me, Sakura," Naruto said, grinning. If Sakura were to describe it, she would say that he looked very much like a fox at that moment.

"Um, you're welcome?" Sakura said tentatively. "Wait, making what so easy?"

"This," Naruto said, slapping her lightly on the back before placing his hand on her head. Moments later, he reappeared in the training ground, sans Sakura. Elsewhere, a hungover blonde groaned as she stared at the back of a young girl with pink hair; blinking, she was soon able to make out a note which read, "You owe me" in familiar handwriting.

"All in a good day's work," Naruto said to himself. He grinned before disappearing from the training ground and reappearing right outside his favorite ramen stand.

* * *

 **A/N:** Finis. School's started, so I actually may be more motivated to write. I don't know what it is, but it's harder to have fun playing video games or just reading after a long day at school. I usually actually feel like writing, so that'll probably be good for you, the readers.

This chapter, the chunin exams happened, Orochimaru was taken care of without actually being killed, and Naruto has boldly secured training for his genin team. Now, let me explain my reasoning. I skimmed over the Chunin exams due mostly to a review by Magery, where he advised it, because they've been done to death. I agreed with his assessment and his advice. I wanted Naruto to do something about Orochimaru, but I still want the invasion to happen, so I came up with this. Naruto, henged, was following his team of genin, because he's actually quite overprotective. Remember, this Naruto is like his canon counterpart, except smarter and more polished. Menma is not a replacement, and Naruto is not just a Kakashi clone. I've read that in too many older Naruto stories. I figured this action would be in character, because in canon, Naruto is very protective of his friends and/or minions(Konohamaru and friends).

Speaking of that, I need to figure out how to introduce Konohamaru into the story. I like him as a character, and I did already have Naruto watching over him as a little kid, so he presumably knows him already. Just gotta figure out how to add him in.

So, the sand siblings. Temari and Kankuro really aren't going to show up in this story much at all; with the age difference, they really wouldn't have much to talk about with Naruto, and I think I've made it pretty damn obvious that Naruto is the main character in this story, not Menma, Sasuke, Sakura, or even Itachi. He will meet Gaara, but while they will have the jinchuuriki status in common, they won't mesh nearly as well as in canon, due to A) the age difference B) Naruto's different treatment from the village in this story and C) the fact that this Naruto can't really sympathize as much with the no friends thing, because he had Itachi throughout most of his younger years, even when he didn't have his parents or Kakashi, and Jiraiya still stopped by frequently as well.

On the status of my other stories, I'm almost done with the second chapter for 'To Wish Upon a Pokémon' and '1111 Days to Learn to Live.' I'm taking a short break from 'Rules? What Rules?' because I worked on it pretty much exclusively for like four days. I want to continue 'It's a Trap! So Don't Touch It' but I'm still waiting for inspiration. I can feel from the force that it is not the right time. Oh wait, wrong fiction.

If anyone wants to see my plot bunnies, they're now uploaded, along with the first fanfiction I ever posted. Some are pretty good, and some are pretty terrible, but I stuffed them all into a plot bunnies compilation on this site. I have a couple other plot bunnies I really should add, but I've been too lazy so far.

If you're enjoying this story, please follow and/or favorite, or leave a review telling me explicitly. If you spot and error or just really don't like my story, tell me what you think I can do to fix it in the reviews. Thank you for reading, and I do really hope you're enjoying it.


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